pleine lune

Julia, a 20 y/o girl from stockholm, sweden. weak for pastries, old records and peaches. this is like a diary i write in once in a while when i feel the need to. tumblr: @pearlpill

the times they are a-changin’… too much

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Just recently, a day or two ago, I looked through my photos on my phone and computer and found these photos, dated from roughly 5 years ago til’ just a month or two ago, and I realized that while I’ve changed quite much both appearance wise and psychologically, I’ve also stayed virtually the same. Strange isn’t it? When I look at photos like the first one, that is from 5 years ago, I remember it so vividly, but yet it is so distant – like a dream that you can only remember bits and pieces from, but that you know happened.

What I can say is that I suit longer hair, haha. Will definitely not cut it for a long while.

I was only 14-15 in the first one or two photos, a baby! There was so much I didn’t know, and hadn’t experienced, but I feel I’m still that young, pondering, often times sad little 14 year old. She will always be in me, I think. I don’t really know why I’m so fascinated by this, the change and un-change times bring, I guess it’s a rather abstract yet unforgiving and matter-of-fact concept that I can’t really grasp.

Anyway, I don’t really have an aim with this entry, it’s rather pointless actually. Right now I’m sitting in my newly vacuumed room, listening to the Bryter Layter album by Nick Drake and looking at vintage prints and posters with botanical themes that I plan of framing and putting up in my room. I’ve found quite a few actually, but I can’t buy them all you know, for both practical and economical reasons… I should probably resume my botanical-print-search now.

As always,
Julia

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i’ll be the wind, the rain and the sunset

 

It’s strange for me that it’s already March, I feel like everything is moving at a far too fast pace! I do want spring to come, but in a way these past two months has gone by like a whirlwind, even though I haven’t done too much. Strange.

My mood has gone up and down a lot recently and it’s been an awful lot at university and other things with me that have put me down and shifting me towards the bad path. I really miss my friends. I don’t get to meet them all too often since we live two hours away from each other but we always gather when it’s someones birthday (theres eight of us so it’s fairly often) or if we go out for dinner or go to the movies. We celebrated two birthdays just a week or two ago and it was as wonderful as it always is. We’re also planning on going to see the new Beauty and the Beast-movie soon so that I’m looking forward to, it was one of my favorite Disney-movies when I was a child, and now as well.
When I meet them after I’ve been feeling bad I’m filled with love and joy and I sometimes space out when we meet and just think about how much I love them and what beautiful people they are. I feel at home when I’m with them, like I belong somewhere. Now I miss them even more, but I’ll see them relatively soon so it’ll be ok.

Mood-playlist for the week:

America – Simon & Garfunkel
Lay lady lay – Bob Dylan
Goin’ back – The Byrds
April come she will – Simon & Garfunkel
Sleep on the left side – Cornershop
Femme fatale – The Velvet Underground & Nico
Marinade – Dope Lemon
心臓の扉 (Shinzo No Tobira) – Mariah
Fruit tree – Nick Drake
Golden brown – The Stranglers
A most peculiar man – Simon & Garfunkel
Which will – Nick Drake
Honey Bones – Dope Lemon
Your silent face – New Order
Asleep – The Smiths
I want to be alone – Vashti Bunyan
Strolling down the highway – Nick Drake
Satellite of love – Lou Reed

I’ll try to write soon.
As always,
Julia

lilacs in her hair

 

Here we go again with me totally forgetting that this blog exists.
It’s getting repetitive with me opening every entry on here with “oh my it’s been a while I forgot about this blog.. again”.

I can’t remember what I wrote in my previous entry but I’m sure it’s somewhere along the lines of me complaining about the grey, cold and wet weather, mentioning I’ve been on the low, telling you which songs I’ve been listening to recently etc etc.

I’ve been feeling a little bit better and today I’m actually in a great mood. I think something that helped was that I’ve been feeling slightly more organized recently, or that I’ve got things (somewhat) under control, and yesterday me and my mother took our weekly Tuesday-trip to a charity shop we love and I found some very exciting books! I found two art books, one with Gauguin and the other one with Toulouse-Lautrec (I have at least four art books with his works so I should probably refrain from buying another one), “After Dark” by Haruki Murakami, “Till Dig” (To You) a selection of poems by Karin Boye, and “Samlade Dikter” (Selected Poems) by Edith Södergran, my favorite poet! I’ve never seen books about or with her poems anywhere so I got a little lightheaded and had to hold on to a bookshelf so I didn’t fall onto anybody or knock something over in my fragile and aghast state.

Anyway since I feel pretty good today here’s a “good mood” playlist;

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy) – Simon & Garfunkel (!)
Sugar Town – Nancy Sinatra
My Best Friend – Jefferson Airplane
One of These Things First – Nick Drake
(Song For My) Sugar Spun Sister – The Stone Roses
Blue Eyes – Don Partridge
Dancing In The Street – The Mama’s and the Papa’s
Il Est Tout Pour Moi – Françoise Hardy
Penny Lane – The Beatles
Simple Song – The Shins
Moi Je Joue – Brigitte Bardot
Cecilia – Simon & Garfunkel
Respect – Aretha Franklin
Not Fade Away – The Rolling Stones
Jamais – Sylvie Vartan
All I Want Is You – Barry Louis Polisar
Gimme some lovin’ – The Spencer Davies Group (!)

I should be reading up on ancient Roman painting now for a seminar tomorrow so this will be all!

As always,
Julia

 

 

golden honey eyes in a grey and cold time

 

Goodness it’s been a while (again..).
I forgot about this blog (again…) and I haven’t been all too cheery anyway and been laying quite low these last couple of weeks. January, especially, is a rather difficult month for me, it feels never ending and is grey, cold, wet and depressing. The only thing positive with this month is that my dogs birthday is on the 19th, but thats about it. And anyway, my mood is severely dependent on the weather and this time of year is usually rather grey and mellow for me.

But I do have some good news, me and my group of friends are going to a place in Croatia this summer! It’s something we’ve wanted and saved up for for a very long time, and I really do look forward to it. I long for honey golden sunshine, water gently washing your feet on the beach, bare legs and flowers and creatures of all kinds being alive and vibrant.

I started a new course in university as well – art history. So far it’s interesting, but unfortunately due to my dark mood the last couple of weeks, I haven’t been able to really enjoy it and be excited about it. Kinda sad.
I just recalled I have a seminar tomorrow.. Hm. I’ll have to read some on the subway to uni tomorrow morning!

As for music, I’ve discovered some new songs and listened to songs that have related with my mood for these last weeks. I’ll make a mini-playlist!

Fleur de lune – Françoise Hardy
So long, Marianne – Leonard Cohen
D.C.B.A – 25 – Jefferson Airplane
Feels like we only go backwards – Tame Impala
Come give me love – Ted Gärdestad
Going back – The Byrds
Apple scruffs – George Harrison
How do you feel? – Jefferson Airplane
Tuesday afternoon – The Moody Blues
Some velvet morning – Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood
Gimme some lovin’ – The Spencer Davis Group
Which will – Nick Drake
Heaven’s on fire – The Radio Dept.
Julia dream – Pink Floyd
Voila – Françoise Hardy

I’ll try to remember to write here more often.
As always,
Julia

 

 

 

 

i’m dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep

Let the morning time drop all it’s petals on me ..

Well, first of all – oh my goodness it’s already 2017. I don’t like new years eve or the ‘celebrating’-stuff because that day and all that it symbolizes quite frankly gives me anxiety (more than usual if you can believe that haha) and more than one existential crisis. I did go over (well, sat on public transport for almost two hours) to my friend’s house with my friend group and had a fun time but still – celebrating that yet another year has passed and you’re getting older is not something I like to do.
And besides, if I’m going to be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it this far.

It’s snowed like crazy here too, there hasn’t been any snow at all except from like a week sometime in November and now, two weeks after Christmas, it’s snowing. Could the snow not just have come some weeks earlier, for the sake of the Christmas spirit? My mother and I had to go grocery shopping today and we literally had to spend fifteen minutes trying to uncover what was supposed to be a car under the giant (GIANT) pile of snow that was on top of and around it. My workout for this month.

Oh and today I also got done with and turned in an essay for university that I’ve been working on for a month, so that feels nice. And I also picked up a package today that contained The Stone Roses debut album from 1989 that I’ve been planning on buying for like a year and finally got so I’m feeling pretty good for being me.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do with this blog, I still want to use it as a diary, but I also feel like I want to do something else on it, something like an album I’ve really enjoyed recently or a song of the day or something with poetry… we’ll see. I do have some albums that I’ve been listening to recently that helps with calming me down and making me float on warm, soft clouds and those I can mention. They are; Quelqu’un m’a dit (2002) by Carla Bruni, Colour Green (recordings from 1970 to 1973 but released 2006) by Sibylle Baier, Chopin: Complete Nocturnes (2010) by Brigitte Engerer, Di Doo Dah (1973) by Jane Birkin, Dreams (1968) by Gabor Szabo, Clinging to a Scheme (2010) by The Radio Dept, Some Things Just Stick In Your Mind (singles and demos from 1964 to 1967 collected and released in 2007) by Vashti Bunyan and Five Leaves Left (1969) by Nick Drake to name a few (with an emphasis on ‘a few’).

Don’t know what else to write. I’ll be here soon again I think, I need this space to write and try to untangle and clear my mind and thoughts. If anyone is reading this I just want to tell you that I’m so proud of you to have made it another year, quite proud of myself too to be honest.

As always,
Julia

almost two years later ..

Oh my goodness.. it’s been almost two years since I last wrote on this blog. I guess I’ve forgotten about this one, remembering it once in a while but then having it slip out of my mind as fast as the thought shot itself into it. I have kind of missed it though, this blog has always been a very clear and calm place for me, I couldn’t tell you why, it just is. I don’t think anyone even reads or visit this blog anymore, but thats okay, it’s partly for therapeutical reasons I even created this blog. But you know… the more the merrier haha.

Since I last wrote an entry here I’ve turned 19 (on November 19th) and graduated upper secondary school and entered my first year of university. I remember writing entries on here about how incredibly nervous and angst-ridden I was about starting upper secondary school, and now thats a finished chapter of my life… strange isn’t it? It’s gone by so fast.
I’ve traveled this year as well, I was on a road trip with my family in the south of England this August, and this is probably my favorite trip I’ve ever been on, I was truly happy during that time. And next summer me and my group of friends are planning a trip somewhere in Europe (it’s far too expensive for us broke students to go outside of Europe I’m afraid!) and have been saving up for the trip for a while now, we’ll see where we end up.

This has been a very challenging year for me, mentally. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before.. but I have some mood problems, I wouldn’t call it clinical depression (never been diagnosed by anyone), but I worry a lot, always have, and my mind can suddenly or during a short period of time shift to a very, very dark place. I don’t ever tell anyone when I’m sad, it’s just how I’ve always been (also I’m a scorpio – we don’t want to show ourselves vulnerable, we’re very private with our emotions!). I’m just always a little sad, sometimes more than other times. So many people have died this year, both famous people and regular people (and people close to me personally), and so many tragedies have occurred and are still occurring, so my mind has been rather dark and cloudy at times. When people you feel like you in some way know, or that has impacted your life in some way, pass away, it’s very hard for me to handle. It feels like everyone is being ripped away from life and I’m being left alone. These people are people I thought had many more years to them, and maybe I even tried to tell myself that they never would die. Ah.. I don’t know, it’s been very unfair.
And it’s difficult to feel hopeful about 2017, since theres wars going on and the next president of the U.S.A is someone that really shouldn’t ever be in such a powerful position or be heard at all. It’s just awful, completely awful.

Oh and should I update you to my music taste – it’s changed a bit, or developed, I don’t know. I’m currently listening to Vashti Bunyan’s album “Some Things Just Stick In Your Mind”, a 2007 compilation album of her songs and demos from 1964 to 1967. Should I just list a couple of bands and artists that I hold dearly? Well, ok so here’s some of them; Nick Drake, The Rolling Stones (mainly the Brian Jones years to be honest), The Stone Roses, Francoise Hardy (and other artists in the yé-yé genre), Simon & Garfunkel, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Cornershop, The Beatles, The Velvet Underground, Coralie Clement, Fleetwood Mac, Kate Bush, The Kinks, The Mama’s and the Papa’s, The Smiths, Ted Gärdestad and so, so, so many more, I just haven’t got the energy to list any more haha. It’s probably easier to list what I don’t listen to.

Maybe I’ll continue posting on this blog, maybe it’ll help make my mind a bit clearer.
Oh and I have a tumblr that I’m the most active on, but I’m afraid you’ll be in for a minor shock about the difference of my very proper speech here and the chaos that is my blog. Should I reveal it? Yeah, I’m going to. It’s pearlpill.tumblr.com! Entry at your own risk.

As always,
Julia

april come she will

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It’s been some time again..
Spring has now finally come and the sun’s shining as I type this. I wouldn’t say I’ve been extremely busy, but my mind has been a big bowl of chaos and I guess I kinda forgot about this blog. And follow me on tumblr if you want to as well (link).

I have a lot in school right now but I’m so happy that the sun’s finally revealing itself, here comes the sun doo doo doo doo and i say, it’s alright…

hi…again

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It’s been a while. I guess I just kinda forgot about this blog, I’m active on tumblr a lot so I have been focusing on that, and I also write (poetry and diary) and draw so this blog was forgotten. But yeah, I’m now seventeen and I cut bangs in December again so yay for that!? Although I’m not blonde or called Nico..

I might start writing on this blog again, we’ll see.

demonstrating my devil horns

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So looking at the photos you can obviously see that I’m (however not my cat) exited for Halloween. I’ve literally been counting days. Not even kidding. I’ve been prepping for it by watching Tim Burton movie’s (because let’s be real, October is the Tim Burton-movies-month) and buying Halloween decorations, including the devil horns I demonstrate in the photos above.

unexpected but heartwarming message from a subway chauffeur in rush hour?

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An old photo of me. (took this with my phone of the photo on the computer, which explains the weird angle and giant head)

When I was riding the subway home this evening something nice happened. It was jam packed on the subway (rush hour) and when all passengers, including me, stepped on the subway the chauffeur talked in the speakers and said the usual “We’re heading this way” “Please make room for oncoming passengers bla bla bla” and it was really nothing special. However after that he said “- and please take your time to smile at the person sitting next to you, it might brighten up their day” and this made me really happy inside. Maybe because the chauffeurs on the subway usually sound pretty tired and fed up, and maybe because what he said was true. Just a simple smile from you, can make the person sitting in front of you smile back and feel happy after a stressful day at work or just a really rough time in their life. Just a smile, and a persons day could be brightened up. I think that’s something to think about.