pleine lune

i'm julia, 19 y/o and from stockholm, sweden. this is an on-and-off cyber diary, sometimes i forget about it for some time, and then i find my way back here. it's sort of a safe space for me, a calm space. i don't know what else to write, so i'll just stop myself here.

almost two years later ..

Oh my goodness.. it’s been almost two years since I last wrote on this blog. I guess I’ve forgotten about this one, remembering it once in a while but then having it slip out of my mind as fast as the thought shot itself into it. I have kind of missed it though, this blog has always been a very clear and calm place for me, I couldn’t tell you why, it just is. I don’t think anyone even reads or visit this blog anymore, but thats okay, it’s partly for therapeutical reasons I even created this blog. But you know… the more the merrier haha.

Since I last wrote an entry here I’ve turned 19 (on November 19th) and graduated upper secondary school and entered my first year of university. I remember writing entries on here about how incredibly nervous and angst-ridden I was about starting upper secondary school, and now thats a finished chapter of my life… strange isn’t it? It’s gone by so fast.
I’ve traveled this year as well, I was on a road trip with my family in the south of England this August, and this is probably my favorite trip I’ve ever been on, I was truly happy during that time. And next summer me and my group of friends are planning a trip somewhere in Europe (it’s far too expensive for us broke students to go outside of Europe I’m afraid!) and have been saving up for the trip for a while now, we’ll see where we end up.

This has been a very challenging year for me, mentally. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before.. but I have some mood problems, I wouldn’t call it clinical depression (never been diagnosed by anyone), but I worry a lot, always have, and my mind can suddenly or during a short period of time shift to a very, very dark place. I don’t ever tell anyone when I’m sad, it’s just how I’ve always been (also I’m a scorpio – we don’t want to show ourselves vulnerable, we’re very private with our emotions!). I’m just always a little sad, sometimes more than other times. So many people have died this year, both famous people and regular people (and people close to me personally), and so many tragedies have occurred and are still occurring, so my mind has been rather dark and cloudy at times. When people you feel like you in some way know, or that has impacted your life in some way, pass away, it’s very hard for me to handle. It feels like everyone is being ripped away from life and I’m being left alone. These people are people I thought had many more years to them, and maybe I even tried to tell myself that they never would die. Ah.. I don’t know, it’s been very unfair.
And it’s difficult to feel hopeful about 2017, since theres wars going on and the next president of the U.S.A is someone that really shouldn’t ever be in such a powerful position or be heard at all. It’s just awful, completely awful.

Oh and should I update you to my music taste – it’s changed a bit, or developed, I don’t know. I’m currently listening to Vashti Bunyan’s album “Some Things Just Stick In Your Mind”, a 2007 compilation album of her songs and demos from 1964 to 1967. Should I just list a couple of bands and artists that I hold dearly? Well, ok so here’s some of them; Nick Drake, The Rolling Stones (mainly the Brian Jones years to be honest), The Stone Roses, Francoise Hardy (and other artists in the yé-yé genre), Simon & Garfunkel, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Cornershop, The Beatles, The Velvet Underground, Coralie Clement, Fleetwood Mac, Kate Bush, The Kinks, The Mama’s and the Papa’s, The Smiths, Ted Gärdestad and so, so, so many more, I just haven’t got the energy to list any more haha. It’s probably easier to list what I don’t listen to.

Maybe I’ll continue posting on this blog, maybe it’ll help make my mind a bit clearer.
Oh and I have a tumblr that I’m the most active on, but I’m afraid you’ll be in for a minor shock about the difference of my very proper speech here and the chaos that is my blog. Should I reveal it? Yeah, I’m going to. It’s pearlpill.tumblr.com! Entry at your own risk.

As always,
Julia

april come she will

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It’s been some time again..
Spring has now finally come and the sun’s shining as I type this. I wouldn’t say I’ve been extremely busy, but my mind has been a big bowl of chaos and I guess I kinda forgot about this blog. And follow me on tumblr if you want to as well (link).

I have a lot in school right now but I’m so happy that the sun’s finally revealing itself, here comes the sun doo doo doo doo and i say, it’s alright…

hi…again

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It’s been a while. I guess I just kinda forgot about this blog, I’m active on tumblr a lot so I have been focusing on that, and I also write (poetry and diary) and draw so this blog was forgotten. But yeah, I’m now seventeen and I cut bangs in December again so yay for that!? Although I’m not blonde or called Nico..

I might start writing on this blog again, we’ll see.

demonstrating my devil horns

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So looking at the photos you can obviously see that I’m (however not my cat) exited for Halloween. I’ve literally been counting days. Not even kidding. I’ve been prepping for it by watching Tim Burton movie’s (because let’s be real, October is the Tim Burton-movies-month) and buying Halloween decorations, including the devil horns I demonstrate in the photos above.

unexpected but heartwarming message from a subway chauffeur in rush hour?

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An old photo of me. (took this with my phone of the photo on the computer, which explains the weird angle and giant head)

When I was riding the subway home this evening something nice happened. It was jam packed on the subway (rush hour) and when all passengers, including me, stepped on the subway the chauffeur talked in the speakers and said the usual “We’re heading this way” “Please make room for oncoming passengers bla bla bla” and it was really nothing special. However after that he said “- and please take your time to smile at the person sitting next to you, it might brighten up their day” and this made me really happy inside. Maybe because the chauffeurs on the subway usually sound pretty tired and fed up, and maybe because what he said was true. Just a simple smile from you, can make the person sitting in front of you smile back and feel happy after a stressful day at work or just a really rough time in their life. Just a smile, and a persons day could be brightened up. I think that’s something to think about.

i just like my star wars shirt

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Yesterday night I rewatched Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging (for like the fifteenth time) and it’s still as good as it was when I was eleven. One of my favorite scenes is probably when Georgia is stuck as a babysitter to her little sister and has to take her with her to the pool where she was going to meet Robbie, Jas and Tom and when she introduces her little sister she starts to lick Robbies hand and Georgia’s like “Libby, stop licking Robbie! – She thinks she’s part cat.”. I don’t know, I just find it very entertaining.

Oh and I am wearing my Star Wars shirt today. Just wanted you to know that.

it’s like the apocalypse finally (?) has come

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It’s been raining like crazy here, as soon as you step outside you get soaking wet after circa four seconds. Anyway, I just got done doing my french-homework, I was supposed to record myself describing furnitures and it’s colors in my room for two minutes. Ah, so awkward.

° lucite tokki (루싸이트 토끼) – last night in my dream °

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Lucite Tokki (or 루싸이트 토끼 in korean, “tokki” means rabbit) is a female indie-duo consisting of Cho YeJin (vocal and keyboard) and Kim SunYoung (guitar). Yejin is on the right and SunYoung on the left. My favorite song from them is Last Night In My Dream, it’s really dreamy (…) and relaxing. You find yourself floating away from reality.

the only thing missing is blonde hair and a beautiful face

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I’ve had bangs (full fringe) probably three times by now and I always end up growing tired of it fast since my hair naturally isn’t made for bangs and wanting it back after half a year. And so, again, I want a full fringe. The goal is to look like Nico (a 60’s goddess basically), however that probably isn’t very realistic, or is it? Just gotta dye my hair platinum blonde and magically become beautiful. No big deal.

she’s going to smile to make you frown, what a clown

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So I’ve been listening to The Velvet Underground. I like them. One of their songs that I like the most is I’m Sticking With You, it’s a very pretty and I guess cute song? At the last part of the song when Lou Reed sings “I’ll do anything for you, anything you want me to, I’m sticking with you” makes me wish I had someone that said that to me.

Funny how I quoted Femme Fatale in the title but wrote about another song, totally makes sense Julia.