pleine lune

Julia, a 20 y/o girl from stockholm, sweden. weak for pastries, old records and peaches. this is like a diary i write in once in a while when i feel the need to. tumblr: @pearlpill

somewhere on my own

 

It’s already March. I haven’t written in a while.

Sometimes I’ve felt like I wanted to write on here but then my will for doing that would just float away or I felt too stressed to try to organize my thoughts. Which is ironic, since I created this place for myself for when I am, amongst other states of minds, stressed and anxious.

I’ve had a lot with university, exams needed to be written and handed in in far too much quantity than that I’m used to. I’ve had thoughts about maybe taking a break hovering around in my head. I don’t know what to do, really. But it will sort itself out eventually, I know that, it’s just that things like these make my anxiety increase and I start having bad thoughts. I know that some people don’t really understand it, they would think that I’m overreacting, and they’re not wrong really, because that’s how anxiety works! I wish I could be more relaxed about a lot of things for my own mental health but I’ve always since I was little worried a lot, even though most people around me don’t know that, since I’m so private with my emotions. Most people think I’m very laid back actually, and it’s strange because I am at the same time that I’m not.

Anyway, on to other more vibrant things, a couple of weeks ago I went to see “Call me by your name” with my friend. It was in a smaller movie theater so it felt both uncomfortable and fascinating at the same time, since it’s a very influencing and powerful (emotionally) film. Sitting in such an intimate movie theater when watching a film like this one was strange, but interesting, like you could see everyones faces and emotions while watching the film. I loved the film very much. I think that even though most of the film was joyous, there was always an underlaying sense of sadness, but I guess that is common with that topic. It seems that things concerning that theme are often sad, since we live in a, in many ways, close hearted society. The film really seeped through me and inside of me, some films do that to you, right? I can’t relate to the film in a direct way, but that shouldn’t keep you from being able to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their eyes and feel with their heart. It shouldn’t matter, really. However, it seems that some people can’t be compassionate and empathetic towards certain people until they’ve been where they’ve been or seen what they’ve seen. It shows a lot, especially with the way politics are going nowadays (not that it’s ever been that great though).
Anyway, the film made me really long for spring and summer, which both seem too far away here in Sweden. It is such a beautiful film not only with the topic and theme of it and how that is approached, but also the cinematography and scenery and everything else! The soundtrack is amazing too! Ah! I recommend it!

Tomorrow I’m going to Nationalmuseum (an art museum in Stockholm which houses a big collection of famous art works) for an on-field seminar with a part of my study group, which will be exciting. On the way home I’m going to stop by a cemetery close to the subway station I get off at to do some investigating about a duck! It’s a long story but I’m very worried about that duck (“mallard” maybe is the correct word?) and I need to see that what I said to myself happened didn’t actually happen and that I imagined the worst case scenario yet again!

A playlist as of recent:

Lo boob oscillator by Stereolab
Flickan i Havanna by Lill Lindfors
Bleecker’s street by Simon & Garfunkel
I want to be alone by Vashti Bunyan
This must be the place by Talking Heads
Strolling down the highway by Nick Drake
Waterfall by The Stone Roses
Some girls are bigger than others by The Smiths
Fakin’ it by Simon & Garfunkel
You ain’t seen nothing yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive
Mystery of love by Sufjan Stevens
Nothing can stop us by Saint Etienne
I’ll be your mirror by The Velvet Underground
Trouble by Cat Stevens
Visions of Gideon by Sufjan Stevens

I’ll write soon.

As always,
Julia.

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touched the moon

 

 

I don’t usually write this late at night (it’s 11:30pm) because I feel like writing in the late afternoons is more therapeutic for me but I felt like writing now, and so I shall!

It’s been rather annoying weather here in Stockholm lately; it snows and gets dry and a day or two later it gets warmer and the snow melts away and then during the night it gets colder and the half melted snow freezes up again making it impossible to go anywhere without slipping and breaking your neck. This also creates a problem for the buses and subway because SL (the organization running all of the land based public transport systems in Stockholm) somehow always forget what snow is and how to deal with it every year so everything is always late. Hmm, I hope spring comes soon.
The sun is coming out more now though, so I have hope.

Also I think I look mean in photos, or harsh, and I’m really not! I mean, I AM a scorpio so I have a smaaaaaaall natural evil streak but it’s only towards people that deserves it! I used to really dislike my facial features when I was younger because I thought I looked too angular and unapproachable, and I blamed mostly my cheekbones for it. I used to really dislike them, because no one around me in school or my relatives or friends had them! I’ve learned to tame them a little with my fringe but sometimes they get a bit overwhelming hah. My mother always told me they came from my Sámi side (my maternal grandmother is half Sámi and she shares my cheekbones!) which I didn’t really listen to until I was older. I don’t know if they really are from my Sámi side as my mother’s always said but if they are I’m very proud. Quite fittingly there is a newly released film from 2017 that’s won awards and been at various film festivals that is about Sámi people and what, amongst others, Sweden put them through and to a certain degree still does today. It’s called “Sameblod” (Sámi blood”). I do want to watch it someday.

Oh, I’ve also begun my part two of my art course and I just handed in an essay/exam this tuesday. I have another one coming up in a couple of weeks but until then I have some freedom! People always ask me what I’m going to do with a bachelor in art/art science and it would be wonderful if I could someday end up at one of the national museums in Stockholm, or maybe in a museum in another country. It’s maybe a little idealistic but I’ve always loved museums so so much and felt them to be very calming so to work in one would be very dreamy. It seems like such a calming and visual work place, surrounded my old, beautiful paintings or artifacts of different kinds, it seems so exciting too!

The moon was beautiful last night, so full and big. I love the moon. She’s my comfort.

I’m quite tired so I’ll end this entry here but I’m going to write soon because I have lots on my mind lately!

A little mini-playlist for the last week or so:

Bleecker’s Street by Simon & Garfunkel
Lady Bird by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood
Katmandu by Cat Stevens
Crosses by José González
Farewell Angelina by Bob Dylan
Irene by Twin Peaks
Ice by Fake Laugh
Big White Cloud by John Cale
On Se Plait by Francoise Hardy
Just Another Diamond Day by Vashti Bunyan
Flickan I Havanna by Lill Lindfors
This Must Be The Place by Talking Heads
Northern Sky by Nick Drake
Here Before by Vashti Bunyan

Now I’m going to read a little in “The Lord of the Rings” before I sleep. It calms me down.
I’ll write soon.

As always,
Julia

asleep

 

It’s the 3rd of January. Already.
It’s so strange that I will have to write 2018 whenever I’m going to date something now, and I don’t like it because I’m so bad at doing written “eights”! How annoyed I am going to be this year!

I spent my New Years Eve with my friends for some hours before I headed home. Although I dislike New Years Eve (with burning passion!) I had a wonderful time and we exchanged (late) christmas presents, played beer-pong (I’m notoriously uninterested and bad in sports and not even this I was good at – let’s just say I wasn’t thirsty afterwards), ate good food, talked, complained about work or school (or people and the world in general) and, you know, the usual.
My dog is absolutely terrified of fireworks, thunder and loud bangs, and I always get so so worried that the panic will be too much for her aging heart. Luckily, this year, for some reason, there wasn’t as much fireworks and such as it usually is where I live. I hope it stays like that. Fireworks are very pretty, but a very scary thing for animals and extremely harmful to not only humans and animals, but also the environment.

I have my last class for this literature course tomorrow followed by a final examination and then I start my art course on the 15th. This is the follow-up course to the one I took in the spring of last year, and I will have to study two more to get qualified I think.
As I’ve mentioned before, my current plan is to major in art. I’m excited and anxious.
Like always.

My mood has been cloudy the last week or so. It’s what usually happens to me at the end of the year and the beginning of a new one. January is an especially difficult month for me. It’s just always grey in my mind, like a reflection of how it looks outside. Bleak, grey, dead, wet, cold. There is no joy in nature in January, it feels like. There isn’t any snow either, so it’s just dark and lifeless. The sun never really comes up, and it’s pitch black by three in the afternoon. I think everyone just walks around in a daze or some sort of sleep in January, I don’t think people are really alive and awake. I think we really start to awake in late February, when the sun comes back.
And I think that in December there is so much vibrancy and things happening in a short period of time; there is the preparation for christmas, christmas itself, then there is preparation for New Years Eve, then New Years Eve come, and then, just like that, there is nothing. I think it leaves one feeling empty and hollow.

To sort of combat this not very joyful time I’ve turned to the illustrations I love the most, and Elsa Beskow is my favorite. She was a Swedish illustrator, mostly for childrens books. I grew up reading her books and they are so beautiful, I wish I could have a talent for drawing as she had. You’d think that the daughter of a painter (who is the daughter of a painter, who is the daughter of a painter…) would have some automatic gift for drawing without having to try, but I don’t seem to. I’ve been complimented on it, but I’m not special by any means. I haven’t truly tried to explore and develop my drawing abilities, but I thought to myself that I’m going to try this year. I’m going to draw what I feel like drawing, paint what I feel like painting. I think it could be great for my mind!
To return to her books, my favorite books of hers are Sagan om den lilla hinden (“The tale of the little hind/deer”) and Blomsterfesten i Täppan (“The flowers’ festival”). They are so dreamy, peaceful, beautiful and well written. The first one I listed is my absolute favorite and if I ever have a daughter, I’ve always wanted to name her Rosalind after the girl in the book.

Well this was a rather bleak and uninspiring entry! It lightened up slightly in the end but that’s just me trying to survive through this grey, cold and lifeless time! I’ll try to think as if the sun has returned.

Some songs for this bleak time:

Maybe by Ricewine
Which will by Nick Drake
Re: Stacks by Bon Iver
Wonderwall by Cat Power
Katmandu by Cat Stevens
Holy smoke by Vashti Bunyan
The wolves by Bon Iver
White march by Elena
Fruit tree by Nick Drake
Hey moon by John Maus
Sea of love by Cat Power
Elizabeth my dear by The Stone Roses
Song for Zula by Phosphorescent
Crosses by Jose Gonzalez
Kathy’s song by Simon & Garfunkel
Rhymes of an hour by Mazzy Star
Saturday sun by Nick Drake
Pale blue eyes by The Velvet Underground
Asleep by The Smiths
Song to the siren by Tim Buckley
Here before by Vashti Bunyan

I’ll write soon when I feel the need to.

As always,
Julia

trouble, please be kind

 

 

Christmas has come, christmas has gone.
I wanted to write on the 24th but being with my very large quantity of family/relatives both that day and the day after, I was far too tired to even put a sentence together.
I love christmas, so so much, but it’s too short of a holiday, we only celebrate it for two, three days. And then, just like that, it’s over. It’s such a vibrant and joyful holiday for me, but I despise the time after it, actually, I despise it until the end of March, when the weather and nature starts to lighten up. You see, it usually doesn’t snow much here until January-February (when you don’t appreciate it as much) and it’s cold, grey, dark and wet until the end of March. As I’ve said before, it’s this time when I feel the most awful. So I can’t wait to get to spring. The crocuses and snowdrops start to bloom, the birds start singing, nature takes a deep breath.

I’m feeling anxious about New Years Eve too, I despise that day and especially the day after to the core of my being! I’m “celebrating” with my friends, whom I love, but it gives me so much anxiety and my mind gets a dark blanket drawn over it. It stays like that, as I’ve said too many times already, until spring.

Right now I’m sitting in my candlelit room, on the floor with my back resting on my radiator and hearing rain tapping softly against my window, against the trees, against the fence, against the ground. It’s dark outside. It’s serene. I love rain very much, it’s very comforting, isn’t it? Except for when I’m out and about and my fringe gets wet and therefore spoiled.

I can’t believe (it’s not butter) that it’s going to be 2018 soon! Another year has passed, and when you think about it now it feels like its gone by the blink of an eye, but upon reflection, I have done many things this year, but it now seems like forever ago. I wonder what I’ll be up to during the next year? Probably not something all too drastic if I would guess. I’m really, truly going to try to bloom this coming year, I so much want to. I don’t want to feel stuck as I’ve felt every other year, I want to be moving, slowly but steadily, and I want to be happy, at least more than I’m not. I’m really going to try.
And I’m going to use this blog, as I’ve done, to clear up my mind and feel light and airy! Since I never tell anyone what’s going on inside my mind or what I feel deepest down, it’s so very liberating to be able to write it out, so that it’s out, so that it’s said, so that it is not only inside my mind, and therefore exists.

I feel better now. I know that this blog isn’t a person, but if it would I would say “I love you!”, because I do! Light, airy…

Playlist for my current setting and surroundings:

Song to the siren by Tim Buckley
Suzanne by Francoise Hardy
Love will tear us apart by Jose Gonzalez
Irene by Twin Peaks
Which will by Nick Drake
Song for Zula by Phosphorescent
Trouble by Cat Stevens
Femme fatale by The Velvet Underground
Norwegian wood by The Beatles
Lou by Coralie Clement
Di dooh dah by Jane Birkin
Rhymes of an hour by Mazzy Star
These days by Nico
Sea of love by Cat Power
Asleep by The Smiths
I want to be alone by Vashti Bunyan
Fast car by Tracy Chapman
1966 by Moon Tides

I will write soon.

As always,
Julia

i’d rather be a sparrow than a snail

Oh my, I haven’t written on here since august. I must have completely forgotten about this little safe space, as I do once in a while. It’s not that I haven’t had the need for it, I really have, but it’s as if it never existed in my mind. I read my last entry, and it seems like several forevers ago! Lots have changed, but in general it’s all still the same. Funny, isn’t it?
These photos are from two or three months ago – I apparently haven’t taken any photos of myself recently that I’ve decided were worth keeping. I don’t look drastically different, my fringe is slightly longer and I’m a bit more pale (if that’s even physically possible) with it having been autumn and now it being winter, and that is about all.

Since august I’ve begun a new course at university, literature, and am quite happy with it, since I do love reading and especially a lot of the classical novels, poetry, dramas etc. that are a part of the course. Although I do have to say that my true self lies with art, which I’ve decided (at least thats what my plan is at the moment) to major in.
I’ve also turned 20. It wasn’t something I looked forward to, at all actually, it rather frightened me, but I’ve come to accept that I do have to get older and can’t stay a teenager for the rest of my life. It’s just I walk through my life in a sort of floating and aimless way, and getting older becomes a little scary when you don’t have a plan or goal.

I haven’t been feeling bad as much as I do in the summertime, since autumn is the season in which I feel I truly belong in. I’ve been going for walks or looking out of the subway window admiring the season and feeling utmost full. I read Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights at the peak of autumn and felt even more full and vibrant, it’s one of my favorite books, I feel the atmosphere and darkness resonates with my soul. The windy, beautiful but merciless moors and all that. Now it’s snowing here, so autumn is over. What frightens me now is that everything is going to be good until christmas is over and then new years eve comes around, and then it’s january and february which feel like they last for eternities. It’s bleak, pointless sort of, it’s the second time of the year I feel the worst, usually. So that I’m dreading.

A playlist for the last couple of autumnal months (and the winter that has begun):

Lily Pond by Vashti Bunyan
Once I Was by Tim Buckley
Little Darlin’ by Benjamin Biolay
Trouble by Cat Stevens
Homesickness, pt 2 by Emahoy Tsegué-Maryam Guèbrou
Pense à Moi by France Gall
Suzanne by Francoise Hardy
Amelia by Joni Mitchell
Road by Nick Drake
El Condor Pasa by Simon & Garfunkel
How Soon Is Now by The Smiths
This Must Be the Place -by Talking Heads
I Want To Be Alone by Vashti Bunyan
Girlfriend In a Coma by The Smiths
Song To the Siren by Tim Buckley
And She Was by Talking Heads
Blues Run the Game by Jackson C. Frank
I Wonder by Sixto Rodriguez
Cemetery Gates by The Smiths
Lou by Coralie Clement
Golden Brown by The Stranglers
Fruit Tree by Nick Drake
Today by Jefferson Airplane
I’ll Be Your Mirror by The Velvet Underground

I will write again soon.

As always,
Julia

my thoughts are many miles away

 

It’s already August. The summer has gone by fast, even though the middle of June seems like three lives ago or something hah.

Its been raining some today, it actually just stopped some minutes ago. So now everything is wet, battered and bruised but the evening sun is shining like as if to make up for the damage the heavy rainfall caused. I actually very much like rain and gloomy, grey weather so I’m quite happy with it but I’m sure I’d feel differently if I was a flower whose petals fall off with every rainfall. I’d be quite annoyed actually.

I keep a secret stack of old photos of me, my family, relatives, past pets – you know, everyone and everything that you usually have old photos of – in my drawer in my bed table and I take them out and look at them once in a while and I did that today and every time I do that I get kind of sad. It was better to be little, it was easier and happier and everyone was alive and not very old. It’s strange looking at photos from your childhood and many of the people in the pictures aren’t alive anymore. It’s such a strange and hard concept to grasp. It’s also odd to see how much people have changed, or not changed. Some people were happy back then and haven’t been for years now, some are just as cheery as they’ve always been. Hm. Weird.

A rainy- or gloomy- or weird- day playlist;

Kathy’s song – Simon & Garfunkel
Hey moon – John Maus
Blues run the game – Jackson C. Frank
Cloudy – Simon & Garfunkel
Today – Jefferson Airplane
I’ll be your mirror – The Velvet Underground
Suzanne – Leonard Cohen
Rose hip November – Vashti Bunyan
She smiled sweetly – The Rolling Stones
Big white cloud – John Cale
Time has told me – Nick Drake
Re: stacks – Bon Iver
A well respected man – The Kinks
Rain – Nick Drake
Lily pond – Vashti Bunyan
Gipsy – Fleetwood Mac
Milk & honey – Jackson C. Frank
Here before – Vashti Bunyan
Fakin’ it – Simon & Garfunkel

I’ll try to remember to write soon.

As always,
Julia

july, she will fly

 

 

Ah! I haven’t written in some weeks now! I finally went on me and my friends long awaited vacation that we’ve saved up for for a year and we went to a city by Croatia’s coast! It was so much fun and I’m filled only with love for my friends. We walked around an awful lot, visiting churches, cathedrals, buildings and architecture from the ancient roman empire and hiking in mountains while looking at the view and just sitting by the sea and watching the sun’s last rays dancing on the waves. And we ate a lot.
It was so fun and exciting. But it’s nice to be home again!

It’s raining outside. I love rain. I can’t wait for autumn. I’ve actually started playing christmas songs already.. Ah! And I cant wait for halloween! Spring and summer can be nice but it is the latter part of the year that I enjoy the most. I think especially in autumn I’m in my element, I’ve always felt that. I really wanna wear my autumn/winter coats, boots, neck and face buried in a warm and cozy scarf! And cool, fresh autumn air – ah!

I’m pretty tired so I’m going to end this entry with a playlist as always and then continue on drinking my tea.

Comme si comme ça-mood-playlist;
Kaliforniens guld – Ted Gärdestad
Maybe you’re right – Cat Stevens
April come she will – Simon & Garfunkel
I’d like to walk around in your mind – Vashti Bunyan
Moonlight – Safe Word
I hear the dead – Dolly Spartans
I’m so blue – CLAIRO & P.H.F.
Fakin’ it – Simon & Garfunkel
Ruby tuesday – The Rolling Stones (the instrumental ver. also!)
Venus in furs – The Velvet Underground
Lou – Coralie Clement
Here before – Vashti Bunyan
Come give me love – Ted Gärdestad

Hmm.
I’ll try to write soon.

As always,
Julia

she smiled sweetly

 

I don’t remember when I last wrote on here but it must have been many weeks! Time seems to have flown by and it’s already the latter part of June, and soon I’ll be going on a holiday with my friends! The weather has been, for the most part, quite warm and sunny but with a few times a week rain, cold winds and dark clouds, quite like my mood lately actually.

I think summer is such a beautiful time because everything in nature is so alive and vibrant, and people seem to be that as well, but it’s also when I tend to feel the worst, and I hate that. It’s so frustrating to see everything around you in bloom but yourself withering away being darker than ever, it’s discouraging. I think summer is beautiful, and the animals seem happier because it’s an easier time for them, plenty of food and warm weather! Yet I always find myself longing for autumn. I’ve always felt the most me, or felt the strongest bond to autumn, the sort of somber, sleepy yet stormy, and copper-like atmosphere that is. It’s cold, but it still feels warm and cozy and while it’s somber it’s still joyful in a way. Maybe I’m a bit biased, being born in November, but I feel November isn’t really autumn anyway? It’s some sort of transitioning month from autumn to winter, and it’s usually just dark, grey, wet and cold, just kind of dead, no orange leaves or anything.

Since my mood has been on the bad side lately, more than it has been for a couple of weeks, I’ve naturally gravitated to more calmer, somber, ethereal music, so now I’m listening to the album “Lookaftering” by Vashti Bunyan. My favorite song from that album is called “Here before”, and it’s so soothing, so serene. It feels like you’re floating gently, nowhere in particular, but perhaps in a dark, serene, moonlit, enchanted forest with mythical beings quietly lurking about. It’s so, so beautiful.

I’ve taken up reading again, after what feels like an eternity. I’ve always loved reading and losing myself in books, but the last couple of years I haven’t been able to concentrate on doing just that, and while I’ve been buying book after book from charity shops, I haven’t actually read almost any of them. It’s quite sad really, But the last week or two I’ve taken a chair and put it in the semi-shade in my garden and just read, hour after hour. So I’ve finished reading Agatha Christie’s “Murder Is Easy” (which is one of my favorite episodes of the tv-adaptions from the 2004- series, even if the tv-adaption is quite different from the actual book), and am now reading “Orlando” by Virginia Woolf, and I love it so far, it’s so beautifully written with so beautiful scenery, surroundings and descriptions of clothes, seasons, people, thoughts etc. Going back to Miss Marple, I hope to find “The Moving Finger” and “By The Pricking of My Thumbs” soon, because they are also amongst my favorites of the tv-adaptions, my favorite is probably actually “The Moving Finger”. Ah! I love Miss Marple!

Here’s a mini-playlist for my mood the past week:

Katmandu – Cat Stevens
Here before – Vashti Bunyan
Winter’s going – Bonnie Dobson
Trouble – Cat Stevens
Rose hip November – Vashti Bunyan
Sea song – Caedmon
She smiled sweetly – The Rolling Stones
Love song – Vashti Bunyan
Re: Stacks – Bon Iver
White march – Elena
Caribbean blue – Enya
Kathy’s song – Simon & Garfunkel
Rhymes of an hour – Mazzy Star
Which will – Nick Drake
Suzanne – Leonard Cohen
Heroin – The Velvet Underground
Lilywhite – Cat Stevens
April come she will – Simon & Garfunkel

I’ll try to remember to write soon.

As always,
Julia

like shells upon the shore

 

 

I have a headache. My dog is laying on the living room carpet fast asleep. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I wanna sleep.

It’s been beautiful weather here and a couple of days ago I could even walk around in a dress, barelegged and barefoot, since it was around 25°C. It’s been autumn weather until now and it’s been a bit discouraging to say the least. Flowers, bushes and trees has started to bloom and the birds are chirping away, bees and bumblebees (and wasps unfortunately) are buzzing about, the sun shines all day long, everyone is happy. All is groovy, to cite Simon & Garfunkel.

I’m gonna be home tomorrow and wednesday to write an essay thats due on wednesday and then I don’t have any classes until next week, so I’m happy, I’ve been so tired lately. My moods been wavering more then usual and I don’t know why,  but it’s tiresome really.

On saturday I’m going to meet all my friends to celebrate two birthdays that’s well over due (their birthdays were the 1:st of april and early in may) and I’m soooo looking forward to it! I miss all of them so much! I’ve ordered a book for each of them that I think suit their personalities; for the may-child I got her a book of selected poems by Karin Boye, one of my favorite poets that I think will suit my friend, and for my april-friend a book called “The Last Unicorn”, a (apparently, I haven’t read it, but it looks very interesting!) classic from 1968.

Anyways, here’s some songs I’ve listened to today;

All I Have To Do Is Dream – The Everly Brothers
Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall – Simon & Garfunkel
Strangers – The Kinks
Ain’t Nothing Like The Real Thing – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
Cloudy – Simon & Garfunkel
Love Hurts – The Everly Brothers
Here Comes My Baby – Cat Stevens
Into The Mystic – Van Morrison
The Dangling Conversation – Simon & Garfunkel
Everywhere – Fleetwood Mac
La Fille Avec Toi – Francoise Hardy
I’ll Be Your Mirror – The Velvet Underground
How Do You Feel – Jefferson Airplane
A Poem On The Underground Wall – Simon & Garfunkel
Get Off Of My Cloud – The Rolling Stones

 

I’ll try to remember to write soon.

As always,
Julia

she bangs the drums

 

I just got home from a long, forenoon walk with my dog in the oh so spring-y weather. We went the usual route through the neighborhood, down to and by the water, alongside the forest. It’s warm, sunny and breezy, I actually felt a bit sorry to my dog because she felt it to be a little too hot (she’s a bit unusual, she has her “winter coat” on in spring and  summer and sheds it in the winter when she actually needs it for some reason) and since she’s starting to get old the walk took twice as long as we had stop a lot so she could rest for a minute. Quite sad actually, I don’t want to think of her as old, since we all know what comes after old age.

Same with my maternal grandmother as well, its become very apparent now because she’s sold the house in which she and my grandfather when he was alive lived for a very long time, where my mother grew up, where I’ve grown up. She feels it’s too much for her, and she feels isolated. It’s quite upsetting really, because that was my favorite place to be, especially in the summer.
It’s a sweet villa built in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s by a family that cherished it a lot, and that planted a linden tree for every child they had, so there’s still four linden trees standing in bottom part of the garden, which moreover looks like a mix of a jungle and a beautiful English garden.
The house and garden is located in a slightly isolated area, with a large, living forest right behind it. My grandmother is a painter (as is my mother) and the house, garden and place where it is located is really a painter’s idyll. It is my idyll as well.
It’s a bit of a complicated situation, but I know she doesn’t want to move, it’s where she belongs; talking to the birds, the squirrels, the deers, all the busily buzzing bumblebees, the foxes, her cat. But she feels like she has to move.
What worries me as a likely scenario is that the buyer is going to look at the property in dollar signs (or “kronor”-signs hah) and run the house and garden down to sell the land. I truly hope it won’t happen, and that the buyer will cherish it as much as it has been by us, and the family that built and lived in it a hundred years ago. It’s a piece of history, and cultural heritage really. Aah, I hope it stays the same!

Anyway, I don’t have any lectures or seminars today or tomorrow, but instead have an essay to write, but I’m not too worried, it’s a rather short and simple one.

And I’ve been having slightly less melancholic episodes lately, I think the weather is helping, seeing nature taking a deep breath and blooming and all that. I’m also waiting patiently for some things I’ve ordered online to arrive, which should be pretty soon. You know I told you about my deep, eternal love for Miss Marple, right? And how I’ve got nowhere to watch it since the tv-subscription thing I watched it on earlier decided to pull it back? Well I solved it. I bought a dvd-set from Amazon that’s supposed to arrive in mid May with Geraldine McEwan as Miss Marple, as she is my favorite Marple!

Anyway #2, this is some songs suited for today’s weather:

Apple scruffs by George Harrison
You send me by Aretha Franklin
Sittin’ on a fence by The Rolling Stones
In love’s shadow by The Choir
Honey bones by Dope Lemon
Soleil by Francoise Hardy
How do you feel? by Jefferson Airplane
Jennifer juniper by Donovan
Tire swing by Kimya Dawson
Daydream by The Lovin’ Spoonful
Dancing in the street by The Mama’s and the Papa’s
Dream a little dream of me by Cass Elliott/The Mama’s and…
Time to pretend by MGMT
As tears go by by Nancy Sinatra
Hazy Jane (nr. 5) by Nick Drake
Learn how to fall by Paul Simon
Sittin’ on the dock of the bay by Otis Redding
She’s a rainbow by The Rolling Stones
She bangs the drums by The Stone Roses
Sugar town by Nancy Sinatra
Sweet thing by Van Morrison
4th time around by Bob Dylan
Oogum boogum song by Brenton Wood
My cherie amour by Stevie Wonder

I’m gonna go make some lunch now, and try keeping up my sunny mood.
I’ll try to remember to write soon.

As always,
Julia