It’s been so long since I wrote on here, I didn’t even write on my birthday or for the entirety of November for that matter. But now I shall.
I turned 21 on the 19th of November, which made me feel old and ready for the coffin. I wasn’t finished with being 20, I really liked that age. It’s both young and stupid and grown up and mature all at once. Mostly stupid perhaps. Now I feel there will be higher expectations of me, which I don’t enjoy.
The weather has been all over the place here (and in other places I’ve seen in the news) and it snowed in the end of November and since December 1st it’s been incredibly misty, foggy, wet, dark and Wuthering Heights-like. I love that kind of weather (I don’t however like that the mist ruins my fringe) but since it is December ideally snow would be preferable. I mean we didn’t see the sun for over three weeks, there’s no difference between dusk and dawn, it’s dark all day. When there’s no snow it gets even darker. And gloomier. To combat this and get into the Christmas spirit we’ve decorated and played Christmas carols since the beginning of the month. I love Christmas, but it’s too short. After its over I just want it to be April right away, since especially January and February are particularly gloomy and blue for me. I think this must be true for everyone in Sweden or people that live in the north like me since the weather really puts you down. We don’t start seeing the sun until late March.
I’ve been very busy with writing my final thesis or final project or however you say it in English, for university. I’m analyzing and comparing three works of John William Waterhouse portraying different scenes out of the Tennyson poem “The Lady of Shalott” with the poem itself. It’s been going slow and it’s been difficult to write but I think it’s getting better, I mean I have to write 25-30 pages about it so I don’t have time for that. It’s due on January 8th. I love the three paintings and the poem very much and have done so for some time but still it’s difficult to get into the writing-mode. Maybe it’s the weather.
I’ve been going in and out of bad moods the last month of two, but it’s not been as frequent as it can be. I sometimes wish I could be rid of it but I at the same time feel like it’s a part of me and that I want it to stay with me forever. It’s become a comfort. I think it makes me more creative too, and empathetic. Two qualities I think is immensely important but humanity often times lack, especially the latter one.
I want to be alone by Jackson C. Frank
Mother big river by Jessica Pratt
Prism song by Julie Byrne
Moving by Kate Bush
Go where you wanna go by The Mama’s and the Papa’s
Blackbird by Nina Simone
Never had no one ever by The Smiths
Slip slidin’ away by Paul Simon
Coldest night of the year by Vashti Bunyan
Song to the siren by Tim Buckley
Grimasch on morgonen by Cornelis Vreeswijk
From the morning by Nick Drake
Rhymes of an hour by Mazzy Star
Stay alive by José Gonzaléz
Små lätta moln by Pugh Rogefeldt
Fire and rain by James Taylor
Crazy love vol II by Paul Simon
Trouble by Cat Stevens
Small hours by John Martyn
I’ll write soon.