It’s already March. I haven’t written in a while.
Sometimes I’ve felt like I wanted to write on here but then my will for doing that would just float away or I felt too stressed to try to organize my thoughts. Which is ironic, since I created this place for myself for when I am, amongst other states of minds, stressed and anxious.
I’ve had a lot with university, exams needed to be written and handed in in far too much quantity than that I’m used to. I’ve had thoughts about maybe taking a break hovering around in my head. I don’t know what to do, really. But it will sort itself out eventually, I know that, it’s just that things like these make my anxiety increase and I start having bad thoughts. I know that some people don’t really understand it, they would think that I’m overreacting, and they’re not wrong really, because that’s how anxiety works! I wish I could be more relaxed about a lot of things for my own mental health but I’ve always since I was little worried a lot, even though most people around me don’t know that, since I’m so private with my emotions. Most people think I’m very laid back actually, and it’s strange because I am at the same time that I’m not.
Anyway, on to other more vibrant things, a couple of weeks ago I went to see “Call me by your name” with my friend. It was in a smaller movie theater so it felt both uncomfortable and fascinating at the same time, since it’s a very influencing and powerful (emotionally) film. Sitting in such an intimate movie theater when watching a film like this one was strange, but interesting, like you could see everyones faces and emotions while watching the film. I loved the film very much. I think that even though most of the film was joyous, there was always an underlaying sense of sadness, but I guess that is common with that topic. It seems that things concerning that theme are often sad, since we live in a, in many ways, close hearted society. The film really seeped through me and inside of me, some films do that to you, right? I can’t relate to the film in a direct way, but that shouldn’t keep you from being able to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their eyes and feel with their heart. It shouldn’t matter, really. However, it seems that some people can’t be compassionate and empathetic towards certain people until they’ve been where they’ve been or seen what they’ve seen. It shows a lot, especially with the way politics are going nowadays (not that it’s ever been that great though).
Anyway, the film made me really long for spring and summer, which both seem too far away here in Sweden. It is such a beautiful film not only with the topic and theme of it and how that is approached, but also the cinematography and scenery and everything else! The soundtrack is amazing too! Ah! I recommend it!
Tomorrow I’m going to Nationalmuseum (an art museum in Stockholm which houses a big collection of famous art works) for an on-field seminar with a part of my study group, which will be exciting. On the way home I’m going to stop by a cemetery close to the subway station I get off at to do some investigating about a duck! It’s a long story but I’m very worried about that duck (“mallard” maybe is the correct word?) and I need to see that what I said to myself happened didn’t actually happen and that I imagined the worst case scenario yet again!
A playlist as of recent:
Lo boob oscillator by Stereolab
Flickan i Havanna by Lill Lindfors
Bleecker’s street by Simon & Garfunkel
I want to be alone by Vashti Bunyan
This must be the place by Talking Heads
Strolling down the highway by Nick Drake
Waterfall by The Stone Roses
Some girls are bigger than others by The Smiths
Fakin’ it by Simon & Garfunkel
You ain’t seen nothing yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive
Mystery of love by Sufjan Stevens
Nothing can stop us by Saint Etienne
I’ll be your mirror by The Velvet Underground
Trouble by Cat Stevens
Visions of Gideon by Sufjan Stevens
I’ll write soon.